Separating Fact from Satire

As if pulled from the pages of Mad magazine or The Onion, we have life imitating satire. This, thanks to the geniuses in the razor blade industry.

We now have five blade razors!

But wait, it was satirized in Fuck Everything, We’re Doing Five Blades back in The Onion’s Feb 2004 issue.

What part of this don’t you understand? If two blades is good, and three blades is better, obviously five blades would make us the best fucking razor that ever existed. Comprende? We didn’t claw our way to the top of the razor game by clinging to the two-blade industry standard…
…They don’t tell me what to invent—I tell them. And I’m telling them to stick two more blades in there. I don’t care how. Make the blades so thin they’re invisible. Put some on the handle. I don’t care if they have to cram the fifth blade in perpendicular to the other four, just do it!

CEO and President,
The Gillette Company

Man, if we could only get those bright minds from Schick and Gillette into politics or foreign policy, we’d have world peace, or at least perhaps less scary-looking, clean-shaven lunatic Muslims burning our flag.

When does the madness with razors stop? When will we have enough blades? Six, ten, fifteen perhaps? And are consumers really buying into this more-blades-is-better crapola?

It’s so funny, it’s almost not funny.

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