Monthly Archive for April, 2003

Christ Has Risen
Christos Anesti

and you think fro-boy is bitter?!?
a really bitter american guy in russia reviews my big, fat, greek wedding. interesting set up in that he takes an american girl to the movie with him and records her reactions. he makes some good points at the beginning, but then he veers into a mean spirited diatribe against greek-americans. my guess is it had something to do with his past – his childhood friend’s bigoted greek father or maybe the ‘washcloth incident’. read the whole thing, but here are some samples:

i want to kill him for this…

They say this movie is a hit because it’s the first ethnic movie about those wacky Greeks. There’s a reason why there’ve been no films about Greeks before. Ethnic family movies about Jews and Italians have a much higher success rate. Jews and Italians are interesting. The Greeks in this movie are boring, predictable, cheap and bigoted. The only thing “warm” they seem to do is yell “Hoo-pah!” and dance like Turks. In fact, the vicious hunchbacked old grandma, who crawls around their American suburb in her black wimple and cloak, accusing all the WASPs in their neighborhood of being “bloodthirsty Turks,” looks to me an awful lot like what I imagine a Turk looks like. Are Greeks really just debased Turks in denial?

i agree with him here…

At one point, Toula is forced, for the plot’s sake, to ask him why he loves her. Because it makes no sense at all – guys who look like that are usually fucking the cheerleader squad and all the under-30 social workers. So why is he with Toula, a fat, self-loathing Greek pig? “Because I came alive when I met you,” he says.

and the guy is downright hilarious at times…

Toula’s beauty transformation from dumpy, creased spinster into someone you’d mercy fuck on a drunken Wednesday evening was accomplished with far too much ease – all she did was perm her hair, apply blush and upgrade her clothes… and the next thing you know, a table full of sorority girls happily invites her to sit with them. Is that the lonely American woman’s dream? To be invited to sit at a table of shallow, mean sorority girls for lunch, who accept you just because you look good? (This is where I start reaching for the rope, butcher knife and briefcase…the spirit of Ted Bundy echoing in my ear like OB-1… “Maaaark, use the kniiiiiife…use the kniiiiiife…”)

i think that the movie was a total caricature of greek-american culture, but it should be taken for what it is…it was light, meaningless, cheesey, stupid entertainment. and it was consistently, yet mildly funny throughout (though i didn’t get the windex jokes). kind of like an extended friends episode. on that level, anyway. it wasn’t very believable and i cringed at times, but it wasn’t a total waste of time and money. and my girlfriend enjoyed it.

one thing i don’t understand is the author identifying with the quiet, sensitive, social worker type. bitch seems like a jerk to me, in which case he shouldn’t have trouble finding women, by his theory.

maybe it’s something else?……..maybe the washcloth idea was a hint.

“he looks like tarzan, plays like jane”

i got my 2003 pro football weekly draft preview just in time for the big nfl draft this weekend. in leafing through the book, i was saddened to learn that its author, joel buchsbaum, passed away in january at 48. one of the many football-talent-related phrases he coined is above. joel was the original draftnik and college football superscout. hair-boy mel kiper has him to thank for his popularity (btw, i hate how that bitch and espn charge for practically everything on their “insider” site). i have the very first scout’s notebook that buchsbaum published with pfw back in 1979. the guy had an encyclopedic knowledge of football talent. he could tell you the 40 time of any college senior, his height, weight, how he did at the combine…but he also gave astute opinions on players and nfl personnel managers took notice. i was excited when, as a teenager, my local sports station (st louis’ KMOX radio) started having him on ‘sports open line’. you could tell he was a little peculiar. he had a squeaky, brooklyn accent and you got the impression that he watched football tapes 24-7 and he lived in a tiny nyc apartment filled with notes on players. that impression was correct, but the man knew his shit and i bought his scout’s notebook almost every year for over twenty years.

rip, joel. you were drafted by the best team. many of us will be thinking of you on draft days of the future.

i love it when a big-mouthed british mp/peacenik, who was spewing verbal garbage at every anti-war gathering in london, gets caught making big money deals with a ruthless, murdering dictator. the very one that the war he was against was aiming to topple. what was that again?…”not in our name…because the regime is lining my dirty, little pockets and paying for my vaction home in portugal”.

super al sahafremember the black knight scene in the all-time classic monty python and the holy grail? there’s a great spoof of the liar formerly known as the iraqi information minister at zone 5300. if you have flash, you’ll laugh out loud. one thing i don’t understand though, is how he was left out of the iraqi most wanted playing cards. the guy, as a witty british journalist stated at a centcom brief a couple of days ago, could have at least got his face on the joker card.

staying on the subject of the UN, these australians speak a funny language, but their prime minister is making a lot of sense. yeah baby, demote the cheese-eating surrender monkeys. ahh, if that impotent organization only had the cojones. it makes too much sense.

the UN is like an amazing, talking dog that makes stuff up. take it from jonah goldberg.

about a boyi just finished my second nick hornby novel, about a boy. while i don’t quite rank it with high fidelity, it’s damn close and it’s a great read. the book follows will, a thirty six year old single guy in london who doesn’t want to grow up (feels familiar), and marcus, a twelve year old who helps him to. will is shallow and super trendy and resorts to posing as a single parent to shag lonely single mothers. the story is both funny and touching. i’ve heard it described as a bloke’s version of bridget jones’ diary.

i also just watched the movie version on dvd. it was directed by the weitz brothers, who last did the lowbrow comedy american pie. even though i thought AP was hilarious, i kind of wondered how they’d pull off a more serious comedy totally devoid of fart, cum, and dick jokes. i was pleasantly surprised. the movie was an excellent rendition of the novel with the most important aspect, i think, being the casting. hugh grant was perfect as will. the supporting cast is mostly very good, but so much is based on us liking and relating to grant’s character and that part succeeds.

the only problem i have with the movie version is that i think they should have stuck with the mid-nineties setting of the novel. because of the present day setting, they have to alter the entire last third of the film. nick hornby always seems to include contemporary musical references in his writing and he had a great subplot involving the great band, nirvana, and kurt cobain’s suicide in 1994. don’t know why this was totally omitted and the time setting was changed, but it makes me wonder if it wasn’t the doing of that wicked woman, courtney love.

arab weeps at tyrrant downfallabout the american flag being used by the marines when the big saddam statue was being pulled down…..

while i disagree with flying it high over iraqi land as was regrettably done early in operation iraqi freedom, today’s gesture was not entirely inappropriate in my mind. i understand the thinking that we shouldn’t do anything that may offend or that may be misinterpreted by the arab world, but should we really be so hypersensitive to their feelings? is anything we do going to matter?

weren’t they celebrating 9/11 (or at least blaming it on our foreign policy)?
weren’t they burning american flags daily these last few months, calling our leaders evil and kissing pictures of saddam?
weren’t they celebrating our dead and wishing more upon us?
weren’t arabs everywhere volunteering to go on suicide missions to iraq to kill americans?
are they really going to change their minds about us? they’ll twist anything good we do into an arrogant, selfish act.

i think the US flag over the head of the murderous dictator was appropriate. fuck them. we shed our young men’s (and women’s) blood in iraq. we liberated their oppressed. we took the risks. we took action and didn’t leave the people of iraq to their fate like the throngs of peaceniks worldwide wanted.

the flag hood was symbolic of these noble actions. symbolic of the coming democracy. symbolic of the deposed tyrrant that wanted nothing to do with freedom because here he was, his head shrouded with the symbol of freedom, our stars and stripes. the only unfortunate thing is that we didn’t make him eat the union jack and the aussie flag as well.

today i heard an iraqi exile on bbc radio say, while choked with emotion, that in their culture the gesture of striking someone or something with the bottoms of the shoes is the worst, most denigrating thing one can do to another. it made him happy to see the scenes of people taking off their sandles and hitting the symbols of saddam. these scenes were everywhere. my favorite was when they decapitated it and dragged it through the streets, while children scurried alongside, trying to keep up, while whacking the head with their flip-flops. excellent.

saeed says: “is silly. chemical weapons in iraq is silly. those invaders…they lie because we are slaughtering them. as our great and heroic leader saddam hussein said, God is grilling their stomachs in hell. they are liars. they’ve been crushed by our leader’s brave fedayeen. they are being expelled from our land, those mercenaries. baghdad is secured and fortified and baghdadis are heroes. they are nowhere near saddam airport. they are 100 miles away. driving around in the desert. just driving. it’s all a hollywood fiction. we have defeated them, in fact we have crushed them in the place of saddam international airport. don’t believe those liars. they have done everything crazy, everything crazy. the criminals will be humiliated.” the minister of information, mohammed saeed al-sahaf, then went back into the safety of his room in a hotel filled with civilian media and refused to let any of them leave.

ok, technically i made this up, but it’s a basic summary of everything this joker has said in his “press conferences”. what’s most sad, and very disturbing, is that it seems most of the arab world believes him hook, line, and sinker…and we’re the liars.

oh, and the weapons of mass destruction….of course those were just planted by us evil zionists.